Breaking Through the Ice (Is this stupid or fun?)
Back in the morning of a cold, but sunny day in January, I got a crazy idea. I’d seen people do this on the internet (which is a trusted source for wise and safe counsel) and thought, “That looks like fun, I’m sure I can do that.”
Which reminds me of an old joke from the comedian Steven Wright which went (in deadpan delivery) something like:
I’ve always wanted to pick up a hitchhiker… and just not speak for a while. Then, I’d say, “Put on your seatbelt I want to try something. I saw it in a cartoon once, but I think I can do it.”
Sometimes you get an urge to do something followed by a voice in your head that says “Am I going to regret this?”
I’m wondering if there’s a better way to know the answer to that question that’s not totally reliant on hindsight… Let’s continue…
I got my snowshoes, packed an axe and a mallet into my backpack, and headed out to one of my favorite swimming holes, Beaver Pond - now fully frozen solid. A few days before, I had fun running and sliding across the pond, but this day, I was going to chop a hole in the ice and jump in.
As I hiked along the path, the question arose, “Is this stupid or fun?”
I can spend my brain energy rationalizing anything:
For Reckless and Stupid:
It’s cold, and getting in frozen water could court frost bite and hypothermia.
What if I chop the ice and it all breaks and I fall in with my clothes and lose my axe and snowshoes?
Or what if I get trapped under the ice?
For a Fun Challenge:
I’ve love practicing cold immersion and this is just another opportunity to play
The ice is really thick - very unlikely that it’ll all break open unexpectedly. At the very least the chopping will be a good workout.
Even if I get too cold, I can run the mile or so back to the car and warm up.
The brain can go on and on with pros and cons, rationalizing in either direction, and never get any closer to answering the question “Is this a good idea?”
The first step for me to break through that mental impasse is to assess if it’s even acheivable. I mean, it’s not like I was so far from reality like thinking about leaping off a cliff to see if I could fly. In fact, breaking through the ice met the criteria of a “SMART” goal. This is a widely used acronym to set people up for successful goal making:
Is your goal (or crazy idea):
Specific? - Yes, I wanted to cut a hole in the ice and jump in.
Measurable? - Sure, I needed to cut a large enough hole to fit my body through.
Achievable (is it within your skill level and/or are you “biting off more than you can chew”)? - Well, I’d see…The cold plunge I knew I could do. Whether or not I had the tools and ability to cut through the ice was questionable.
Results-oriented (or Relevant)? - Yep. I’d either succeed in cutting a large enough hole, or not.
Time-bound? - Check. I wanted to get it done within that hour.
Using this process to identify the components of your crazy idea is just a nice way to bring it out of the vague realm of dreams into a manageable blue print of how you’ll get it done. Once you can see the goal more clearly, check back in with your desire for it. Is the desire stronger or weaker than before? Sometimes you can asses this in an instant, and in this instance, I didn’t methodically think through each part. But if you’re struggling to see what might be blocking you from success, it’s helpful to write these things down.
So, I knew I COULD at least attempt it, and I felt a strong desire to do it, but that didn’t quite solve the mind’s back and forth on SHOULD I do it…
Rather than feeding the mind’s worry about what would happen if I did do it, I found it helpful to flip the question to what would happen if I DID NOT do this? This flip-side question can bring about some interesting answers. In this case, the answer was… nothing. I’d have a nice hike in the snow and sunshine and I could be content. Sometimes, that’s exactly the answer you’re looking for and you should go with that. But this is where I would ask someone to look a little bit deeper and notice how they’d feel. Imagine NOT doing it and see how your body feels. Then, Imagine doing the thing and see how your body feels. Which one is better? Follow that.
When I imagined cutting that hole and immersing myself in the water, I could sense exhilaration, a feeling of strength, a state of being alive and awake, and pride in accomplishment. Getting in the water called to me stronger than not.
“What if this idea is just my ego looking to inflate itself?” - My mind put up one more obstacle.
Although at times useful, the ego can often lead us to pursue things that are out of our integrity and not in our best interest. Think of the person who becomes a doctor for the money and prestige rather than a true desire to heal people. The ego thrives on defining the self in contrast to the rest of the world. Think of the daredevil who climbs a mountain declaring he did what others could not, the employee who puts in extra hours taking pride on how they work harder than everyone else, and the aging person with an old knee injury who consistently uses those details to compare themselves to the young and able in order to gain sympathy. It’s not that the facts the ego latches onto are wrong, but rather how the ego seeks them out to define the self can lead to some dysfunctional and possibly destructive ways of living.
When we get a crazy idea, how can we tell the difference between ego and the intuition of your True Self?
Again, I suggest listening to your body and practice attuning to the sensations of each one.
Martha Beck offers a great exercise for this:
Think of something material that you want - something you see advertisements for such as a new phone. What does that wanting feel like in your body?
Then, think of when you’re away from distractions, like when you wake up in the middle of the night. What do you yearn for in those quiet, still moments? How does that feel in the body?
In my experience, wanting brings about a bit of anxiety, tension and a kind of distracted flightiness. Yet the deeper yearning feels more grounded, peaceful, steady and calm. Do you feel something similar?
The wanting, which I equate with ego, seems to focus on external things (objects, achievements, accolades, reactions from others). Deeper yearning, which I equate more with intuition and the True Self, seems to focus more on internal experiences (feeling states and values).
Have you ever had an idea to do something and pushed and forced your way toward it but it just felt like a desperate struggle to get there and nothing seemed to work? It’s probable that idea was based in ego.
Have you ever had an inkling of an idea, and maybe even said no to it at first, but you just felt pulled toward it and the universe seemed to conspire to make it happen? It’s probable that idea was coming from inutition and the True Self.
The perspective here is that ego tends to set itself up in opposition to the world and works through pushing and forcing its will to get its way. On the other hand, the True Self knows itself to be connected and one with the world, and intuition is the feeling of being pulled toward what seems to want to happen.
So, a shorthand assessment to check whether it’s ego or the True Self is:
Ego:
Body Sensation: tense, anxious, ungrounded
(These are the sensations I’ve identified for myself, you may describe yours differently.)Action: Pushing/Forcing
Worldview: Separate, competing individuals
Purpose: Achieving external rewards
True Self:
Body Sensation: grounded, relaxed, open
Action: Allowing, Being pulled and guided
Worldview: Connected and one with the world
Purpose: Experiencing internal states and living out values
I definitely felt pulled to the pond that day and, with eagerness, picked a spot far from shore where I knew the water was deep enough to fully submerge. I took out my axe and mallet and began chopping and pounding on the ice. I was so delighted, and exhausted, when I finally broke through. I made the hole just big enough to fit myself in and I dunked into the water for a few minutes. The sun was shining on my face, and I was cheering from inside the icy water. Such an ordeal for just a few short minutes. Some might say that such an effort is stupid… But it sure was fun.
Do you have a story about something you thought might be a bad idea that then turned out to be so worth it? I’d love to hear about it!