Are you looking for a successful moment in time or a successful way of living?… 

Have you ever felt bad about not following through on your health goals? 

It’s one of the most common experiences when we resolve to make a change. (Remember your new year’s resolutions?? ) You take a step forward, then slide right back to where you started. 

What happens next? 

Do you jump right back in - this time with the added resolution to do better next time? 

Do you decide this goal just wasn’t meant to happen for you? Do you forget about the goal completely? 

Or do you find a different approach? 

What if your success depended less on your discipline and willpower and more on the process and method for approaching this change? What if you could let go of all the negative self talk (Say goodbye to that drill sergeant!) and feel good about yourself no matter how close you are to achieving your goals?

Here’s the thing: change is hard. And part of the reason it’s hard is because our bodies and minds fight to stay in homeostasis - that is - they seek out what is normal. Even when normal is dysfunctional or downright unhealthy, at least our nervous system knows what to do with that. 

So, part of the change process needs to incorporate a willingness to feel at odds with normal. Sometimes it might not feel good and sometimes it does, but either way if it’s not normal and we aren’t prepared for that feeling, then it’s easier to sabotage our goals and opt for what we’re used to. 

This is why, instead of doubling down on willpower and discipline, in my coaching, I like to focus on understanding the processes of change and connecting to your deeper values. 

When you understand that change is a predictable process, you are more willing to feel what is coming up for you and then take the next step. It’s about willingness rather than willpower. And whereas willpower is a finite resource that you run out of when you’re tired, hungry, or uncomfortable, willingness is a practice and a state of being you can access at any time. 

(In this regard, my work is not solely helping people with goal oriented coaching, but rather coaching people to understand and move through the change cycle.) 

Likewise, our discipline and consistency are hard to maintain if our goals are based on an achievement that will be attained sometime in the future. Humans are wired to respond to short term needs and desires much better than they are at staying true to some imagined future. 

The trick is to understand and root into the present moment values that your future goal represents. A goal might be just a moment in time. However, your values are a chosen quality of living. 

Running a marathon might be a goal and is a moment in time.  But being a runner who seeks the freedom of movement over long distances can be a value and a life long pursuit. 

When you attune to your chosen values, you have a better compass for every present moment 

Moving toward or away from the person you want to be. There is no failure here, just choice after choice as a way of life. 

(In this regard, my work also diverges from goal oriented coaching toward helping people to better live in alignment with their chosen values.) 

So, the next time you conceive of a goal for yourself ask these two questions: 

• What are you willing to feel in order to make this change?

• What quality of living or being does this goal represent? 

Then take a step in that direction. 

(If you’d like help with any of this, consider booking a free consultation)