You know when you’ve narrowed in on your dream, you have a vision of where you’d like to go, and you have even developed a plan for getting there… Then, seemingly from the outset of your journey, as Winston Churchill would say “It’s just one damn thing after another.”

Obstacles, setbacks, frustrations, challenges…

The temptation, might be to say “Well, the universe is telling me it’s just not meant to be.” “I should quit now.” “I should turn back.”

And sometimes that would be the right thing to do! 

These are times to check your intuition, evaluate your intentions, and decide: 

Am I heading in the right direction?

However, if your dream for yourself still feels right to you, then, realizing you’ve entered Phase Three of the Change Cycle can be a useful shift in perspective to keep you going.

What is Phase Three?

Phase Three is when the newly formed butterfly struggles to break free from its cocoon - the struggle itself is actually necessary for the butterfly to develop the strength to fly when it emerges!

It is, as Martha Beck refers to it, the Hero’s Saga - and every archetypal hero’s journey is beset with obstacles and challenges and setbacks - but they are the very things that change the protagonist into the hero they are meant to become.

And it is the season of Spring when a tree sends its nutrients from the root system back up into the upper branches and the tree begins to bloom.

Phase Three is a phase of effort and sometimes struggle and if we’re unclear on where we’re going it may be hard to keep up the hope.

One thing that helps with this is to practice going from “Eagle View” to “Mouse Steps”:

When you hit a snag on your journey, send your attention into a panoramic perspective and imagine you can see the end goal as well as the whole path to get there. Try to sense what it would be like to complete your goal/journey, notice how it feels in your body. Then come back to the present moment and ask, “what’s the smallest step I can take right now towards that goal?”

If you keep hitting that snag or obstacle, another useful practice is that of acceptance. Acceptance is not surrender or acquiescence in this context. It is mindful awareness of 'what is', and finding the willingness to experience things as they are while not falling prey to the mental and emotional suffering that tend to amplify the actual difficulties.

A mantra for phase three that Martha Beck uses is: “This is harder than I thought. And that’s ok.”

To paraphrase the Theatre director Peter Brook: It is difficult simply because it is difficult. Only once we accept that can we move forward.

I often find that just remembering these phrases help me to keep going.

Sometimes though, the obstacles and detours have us seemingly going in the wrong direction. Another helpful ‘way of being’ in these instances is to root into your values…

You may think of goals as a point on a map.

However, values are more like a cardinal direction like East or West.

If there’s a road block keeping you from your goal destination, a detour taking you South instead is demoralizing. However,  if you know you are destined to head East, and any particular point on the map is simply that - a moment in time and space- You can take heart that you are heading East in the long run. Even if in the moment you are heading South.

Does that make sense?

So what quality of being does your dream for yourself contain? For example: my goal might be to have a stable long-term relationship. There may be many obstacles and setbacks to that goal… but the Value I can choose is to be a loving person - that is a quality of being and acting that I can do right now. 

Or, I might have a dream of climbing a certain mountain… but right now, even from home, I can choose to appreciate the outdoors and nature.

Developing the perspective taking ability between eagle and mouse, being willing to accept where you are, and rooting into chosen present values… just a few tips to navigate the Hero’s Saga phase of the change cycle.

A question that nicely sums up the struggles in this phase comes from the Acceptance Commitment Therapy model:

“Are you willing to accept whatever discomfort your experience provides you AND commit to the values you choose and to the behavior change they imply?”

Happy travels on your change journey!

As always, if you’d like help in moving forward through times of physical and life struggles consider booking a free consultation.

In my Foundations of Moving Freely program, we navigate these cycles of change as well as create a map to help you identify the right life according to your essential self - This includes working with the physical health of your body, your mental flexibility and awareness, as well as your lifestyle and environments. All align together to help you move toward that life you're longing for. To read more and see whether this program is a good fit for you, click here!