Before Charging Ahead, Take Some Time to Dream...

So, change came, and who you were before seems to have dissolved. You recovered from the shock, moved through the grief, reevaluated your past assumptions and beliefs… and all because they stopped serving those pumpkin spiced latte’s for the season… seriously, though. These stages happen on every scale from the trivial change taking just a few seconds to move through to the truly cataclysmic which may take a much longer period of time to heal from. That’s stage one of the Change cycle…

But at some point, something shifts and you begin to ask “What now?” “What’s next?”… This is stage 2. Martha Beck talks about this phase as when a caterpillar has dissolved its old body inside the cocoon and starts to reform towards something new. I also like to think of this stage as a tree in winter - where all its resources have gone down into the roots and it strengthens its foundations before reemerging when the ice thaws. This is a stage where dreams and plans start to pop into your mind and, bit by bit, you start to conceive of new possibilities for your next phase… 

Just like the seasons, or the biological phases the caterpillar moves through toward becoming a butterfly, you can’t force it to go faster, or make it happen on your ego’s timeline… If you try, you’ll likely end up on some not-so-wise detours - like a rebound relationship with someone who’s idea of a good time is running with the bulls or storming the capital, whereas you’d rather avoid serious injury or implicating yourself in crimes… or like those mid-life crisis stories of buying a super-expensive, fancy car but then reenacting Thelma and Louise running from debt collectors. 

It is a time to follow the urge to experiment and try new things but don’t rush the full-time commitment just yet… So, you know you’re in this phase when you get the urge to rearrange the furniture, “Marie Kondo” your closet, cut your hair. You might want to try a new fitness class, take up pottery, or simply spend more time journalling. 

Also, pay attention to your dreams at this time. (If you want some guidance on a great form of dream analysis, sign up for a 1:1 appointment) 

If you’re still in the process of figuring out who you’re going to be and what you’re going to do next, take your time dabbling and experimenting and trying things out. There’s a technique called the 3 N’s: 

Notice: notice what’s grabbing your attention and calling to you.

Start to take note of what is attracting you, what delights you, what makes you feel free (not necessarily “good” but free), but only after you taken some time to notice then start to…

Narrow: start to move toward those things that call you consistently. 

Oh, it’s this flavor and not that flavor, or maybe it’s surfing and not skiing, and maybe it’s surfing in California but not south america… and with whom, at what time, in what conditions… you get more and more specific…

Name: once you have a good idea of what you are really consistently drawn towards, then identify it - name it. This has the effect of making it more concrete and distinct.  

At that point, you can start taking steps forward and committing to a plan. But that’s Phase 3…