Show Up Anyway

Sometimes it’s wet, and cold, or icy, or too early, or too late… What do you do? Do you say “The conditions aren’t right” ? Do you stay in and put off your time outside for another day?

Wait a minute! How did you react to that opening paragraph? Did you get a feeling of excitement because you are someone who’s chomping at the bit to tackle a challenge? Or did you feel shamed and accused of being lazy and not “pushing” enough?

I think what motivates us can tell us a lot about what makes us happy. However, it’s easy to get acculturated into thinking we should be motivated by certain things that, in fact, make us miserable!

Our culture places a lot of value on achievement - and more precisely - excessive achievement. We marvel at those who brave extreme sports, set records, break boundaries, persevere in the face of insurmountable odds. We glorify those who work the hardest, make the most money, sacrifice everything, and “make it to the top”. We certainly learn from and get inspired by examples of dedication, perseverance, focus, determination, discipline, and grit. Also, who doesn’t love the archetypal stories of “rags to riches” and the downtrodden rising up?!

The problem arises when we measure our own worth through our achievements. In order to feel good about ourselves, like an addiction, we endlessly need more. I certainly recognize this in my own experience. The addiction leads us to ignore our wellbeing, our relationships, our intrinsic values and intuition, and ironically our own happiness for the sake of this external source- in this case, achievement. It is even suggested that this attitude and measure of worth based on “hustle” is an intentional message intended to suppress the natural instincts of a people upon whose coerced labor the functioning of our economy depends.

Just look up the definition of hustle and ask yourself, “Is this something I actually want to align to?”
Also, check out Martha Beck’s book, The Way of Integrity, for a great discussion on this.

Some years ago, when I was an avid downhill skier, I used to mock people with the label of “fair weather skiers”. These were the people who would stay home if the conditions weren’t just right. In my mind, those weren’t real skiers. I carried a sense of pride in my commitment, grit, and my true love of skiing because I would be willing to tackle the mountain no matter the conditions… Now, however, I wonder: was my determination to do more, and my willingness to put down others who chose comfort instead just a way to derive a sense of worth through my achievements?

And what’s wrong with choosing to be comfortable anyway? Today, I completely appreciate the peaceful feeling of choosing to stay in - especially when I can predict that the process of being out in the world is going to make me miserable. As I understand it now, there’s nothing wrong with choosing comfort… unless… unless comfort becomes the primary motivator. We have ingrained in our DNA a desire to conserve energy and seek comfort. That’s mainly because through the eons of evolution, large amounts of energy output were required for survival. Times of comfort were a luxury. But in today’s world (at least in the WEIRD countries: Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic) , we’ve advanced in our technology so much that comfort is at our fingertips almost at all times. If comfort becomes the primary motivator, then we avoid energy expenditure. If it’s too cold, or too hot, too far, too hard, too scary, too unpredictable, etc. etc. we opt instead to stay in comfort. The result could be that our tolerance for any life experience becomes smaller and smaller.

So, on the one hand, hustle and achievement aren’t great operating modes to find happiness, and on the other hand, seeking comfort can be a deceptive motivation leading to fewer life-enriching experiences. What are we supposed to do?

For me, I start by checking in with my deeper values. It also helps to articulate what it is I value. For example, I have defined for myself a guiding value that I intend to live fully. What that means to me may be different than for anyone else. In some situations, living fully may lean toward comfort, and in other situations it may steer me toward “doing” and achievement. Then, less cerebrally, I check in with my body and sense what it is I am yearning for. This is different from a craving or a superficial want. The yearning sense generally lines up with my values and doesn’t waver depending on conditions or temptations. For example, I often yearn to connect with nature and that is where I experience living fully. The sense of yearning also tends toward certain feeling states such as joy and freedom and body reactions such as openness and relaxation. When tuned into, the body sensations are like a diving rod: I feel like I’m leaning toward the action I yearn for but shrink away from whatever isn’t in alignment. I then imagine what it will be like: Will I feel joy, freedom, openness, and a leaning into the process of actually doing the thing? Or am I just looking for a way to boost my ego by saying I did it? The difference is that one is present moment and process oriented while the other is past and achievement oriented.

I’ve often wondered about marathon runners. There are some people who identify as being runners. A marathon event is just one aspect of their running regimen and lifestyle. I think I can see it on their faces during a marathon - maybe it’s a sense of enjoyment or peace, or concentration and determination - but it seems to be evident that they are simply in an expression of who they are. Then there are others who you can just tell are struggling and suffering through the event. I’m really not trying to make a comment on ableism or athleticism here. I’m just wondering about motivations. For some, I suspect they’re after a sense of pride, a badge of honor, at having completed that arduous event. Grim determination will push them through to the end no matter what damage is done to the body or suffering they endure. I also suspect, for some, the more suffering they endure, the more value they place on the achievement. Again, there’s nothing wrong with going after that achievement if your intrinsic values have something to do with daring greatly or surpassing limitations and that brings you a sense of joy. I’m just wondering if the motivations for testing one’s limits in that way come from a deep yearning from inside oneself, or do they come from a belief imposed from the culture that doing such things award a person more value. Are they seeking experiences that align with their true selves? Or are they disassociating and running (figuratively and literally) from the present moment in an attempt to become someone else?

Obviously, I’m just speculating and asking questions. Everyone’s motivations have value. I’m just aware that much that is taught in our culture is not necessarily for our greatest happiness. I’m becoming more aware of times when I am struggling to make it through the present moment, to achieve some imagined future, just for the sake of reliving it in the past. I am much more interested in seeking how to alleviate my own suffering (and that of others) so that I find more freedom and joy in the present moment and once again feel that I am aligned with my value of living fully.

A few weeks ago, I had planned to take the dogs out on a hike like I normally do. But that morning, the conditions weren’t good. It felt cold enough that it should have been snowing, but instead it was just rain- freezing rain which accumulated into ice on the ground. I also felt low on energy. I could’ve said that the weather was too miserable and just let the dogs out in the backyard for a minute instead, but that didn’t feel right. If I had checked in with my guiding values at that moment, the one I’m using as an example - living fully- could have guided me either way: enjoy some time at home, or get out in nature. However, when I tuned in to my body senses, I could tell I was being led outside. So, I decided to show up anyway. It wasn’t comfortable being outside. I felt cold, I got wet, and I had to be extra careful slipping on all the ice. And yet, internally, I felt free, open, and happy - like I could’ve stayed out there all day.

So how do you know whether or not to show up anyway?

My suggestion is to try out this process:

• Ask yourself what is motivating you:
  Is it an internal value? Ego? or an external cultural idea?
  Find and follow your own values.

• Ask what your body is yearning for:
  Is it comfort, rest, and healing? Or are you yearning for something else?
  Notice which option makes you feel more open, free, and alive.

• Imagine what the actual process and doing of the action will be like:
  Will you be able to find joy in the moment of what you are doing?
  Or are you solely focused on the end result, the achievement of the thing.
  I suggest, seeking the joy in the present moment.

Whatever you end up deciding, by taking these things into account, you’ll still show up anyway for your life.

[What if you decide to show up anyway but are struggling to deal with inner conditions: low energy, inertia, bad mood, pain, etc.?
Let’s explore more of “the how” next time…]

Interested in Wayfinding to your Aligned-Life?