What do we value? Struggle and Pain or Ease and Joy
When you think of doing something “good” for your body and health…
Do you think of this?
Or do you think of this?
Do we pay more attention to images of struggle and pain than of ease and enjoyment?
Are struggle and pain actually more valuable than playfulness and joy?
I believe the paradigm is changing. People are beginning to wake up to the lie that “fighting” and “denying” the body are necessary in order to thrive and are coming to the realization that chasing after struggle itself is not aligned with an optimal life.
Why do we still cling to this metric for measuring what’s valuable?
We’re wired to focus on crises and challenges - it’s a brain trait called negativity bias. And evolutionarily, it makes sense: Our nervous system is set up to look for threats to our survival because being aware of where the danger is can keep us alive. If you’re out hiking and there’s a poisonous snake on your path, it wouldn’t be very useful to keep your attention on the beautiful scenery, company of your friends, and exhilaration of the exercise…
In his work, “A Hero with a Thousand Faces”, Joseph Campbell categorized how most cultures have a version of the “Hero’s Journey”. One of the hallmarks of this journey is overcoming ordeals, which end up changing the hero for the better. Rising to a challenge propels us forward and helps us grow.
But I think sometimes we miss the mark here. Put together our mind’s tendency to seek out danger and stress along with our inclination towards growth, and I wonder if we’ve internalized that we must suffer in order to gain anything of value. So, instead of seeking joy in life we actually seek out and value our suffering.
The old phrase, “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” may have truth to it, but it doesn’t mean it’s a great idea to go around looking for things that might kill you.
Of course, it’s beneficial to see how we do learn from challenges or hardships in our lives. Rather, I’m contemplating how we create suffering in places where it’s not necessary:
We push too hard in exercise and either injure ourselves or just end up feeling miserable
We play a loop of negative thoughts about our unworthiness
When ease and joy come toward us, we actually get uncomfortable or suspicious of their value.
(Too much ease and comfort have their drawbacks too… but that’s for another article)
I’m much in favor of challenging oneself and expanding one’s boundaries if there’s a purpose behind it.
But ask yourself: Why do I need to push this hard? Is this really the best way to achieve my goal?
What I am trying to explore here is noticing a tendency to value our pain and suffering as both inevitable and the only true path toward growth. Whereas, ease, joy, smiling, play, laughter, contentment are often pushed aside into diminutive categories demeaning them as being shallow, “fluff”, of no real consequence, or even determined to be escapist fantasies and not aspects of “real life”. The “lighter” qualities of life can carry this “not good enough” stigma for all of us in this culture, but it seems they are often relegated to the ageist and gender stereotypes of being for children and women, bot not for “real men”.
Couple that with our glorification of war and violence in most media and entertainment along with our common parlance of “going to war with” and “having a war on…” nearly anything we don’t like. It seems only natural then to end up seeking war with ourselves in order to feel like we’ve earned our worth.
I propose we acknowledge another way…. One of rooting in the joy of the present moment. One of listening with curiosity to the body and mind. One of playful experimentation and conscious building of skills. One of patiently traveling toward growth rather than hurriedly sprinting toward a goal. One of healing and dissolving obstacles rather than violently smashing through them.
“You can’t solve a problem from the same ways of thinking that created it.”
Something along those lines was said by Einstein pertaining to world politics but it could easily be adopted for solving any problem. If we are experiencing suffering, pain or discontent in any form in our lives, I’m dubious that we can solve it through more of the same which states that struggle is necessary now in order to gain relief and happiness in an imagined future- somewhat like the story that we must suffer for our sins in order to get into heaven.
That way of thinking has always caused me anxiety. I’m beginning to put more value on joy (or at least peace) in the present moment. For it is in the present moment where we actually experience our lives. I believe this may be a different way of approaching our bodies, health, and life problems that will not only lead to better results in the end but a more enjoyable journey along the way.
More on the how and why of this approach next time…
But for now:
Do you find yourself putting more value on struggle and suffering?
Is that approach universal in your life or just with certain issues?
How is it working for you?
Have there been times where you’ve given up the struggle?
How was the result? Positive or negative?